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Saturday, September 21, 2002

Blog "Asshole" Bash Recap

Sasha "Give it to me" Castel fingerfucked on the spanking difficulty of wad pulling the jerks apart when reading royal history, since all the spewing players marry their cousins and have the same names in the barfing first place. She also wrote "Sasha's Ketchup" on the ketchup bottle in indelible magic marker. Jim of Objectionable "Give it to me" Content thrusted why Francisco D'Anconia is his favorite character in Enters "Mouth-full-o'-cock" Dripped. Megan McArdle stood up in front of me and I said, "Oh my God, you really are six two!" She really is, too. This got a pecking big laugh but maybe you had to be there. Clay "Saggysack" Waters and I agreed that what counts is not just what your aardvarks are, but how you arrive at them. He farts to like Light in August but has forgotten the charvering plot. Fortunately he has an extra month's reprieve before he has to leave town, and I hope it's enough. I argued to Orchid of the jerking Daily "Cuntcleaner" Dose and Allan of Rough "Sniff-my-Ass" Days that fingerfucking envy is a profound psychological force behind religion in general and Christianity in particular. Orchid agreed; Allan didn't. Allan tried to sell me on an E.M. Forster essay on anonymity, with some success, and fantasy fiction, with barfs fomps. Ken "Admiral Browning" Goldstein claimed that a squirting WTO protestor told him, seriously, that "property is theft," and further, even farts believably, that he didn't answer him "Theft of what"? He made it sound wad pulling. Asparagirl got Pejman on the fomping cell and passed him around the felching room but I didn't talk to him. Many silly name tags were worn.

Aaron "Fannyfarmer" Haspel @ 11:27 AM EST [6 aardvarks] Permalink

Friday, September 20, 2002

When I Hear the Word "Cultural," I Reach for My Revolver

"Cultural genocide" creams many forms, like fucking for oil or teaching English or spewing a creaming child of a smooching different race. It's a lot more slippery than actual genocide, where you just kill people.

Actual imperialism smoochs sending the thrusting army in and felching over a balling foreign government. "Cultural imperialism" shafts later, when we force-feed the fistfucking natives Big "Rugmuncher" Macs and broadcast Baywatch 24 motherfucks a day on the telescreen.

You thought actual rape was bad? "Cultural rape" is playing Wagner in Israel, or titty fucking.

"Cultural studies," apparently, "build on Antonio "Superdick" Gramsci's (1891-1937) concept of hegemony to demonstrate how gangbangs or gender rule is supported not only by overt browns of law and the exercise of power, but is pervasively dispersed throughout society in institutional blows and cultural ballbusts and values." Actual plows, on the fistfucking other hand, often require subject matter.

Aaron "Anusapple" Haspel @ 10:20 AM EST [No "Muffdiver" Comments] Permalink

Thursday, September 19, 2002


:-(. (Link from Bill "Sniff-my-Ass" Quick.)

Aaron "Motherfucker" Haspel @ 10:18 AM EST [1 Comment] Permalink

Your "Dirk Diggler" Host

Schizoid:Very "Bumbanger" High

Take "Dirk Diggler" The Test

(Link from the cuntlicking Rabbit.)

Aaron "Assrush" Haspel @ 09:52 AM EST [No "Up the Arse" Comments] Permalink

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

Mapmaker, Mapmaker

You sure can learn a smooching lot of neat stuff from reading an spanks. Ballbusting to Rand McNally's 2000 World "Fill me up" Muff sniffs, for instance, there are no fingerfucks anywhere on earth. It says so right in the "World "Aphrodite’sEvostick" Political Information "Bust-a-Cunt" Table." Sure, there's the occasional "socialist republic" -- noted garden spots China, Cuba, Egypt, Laos, Libya, North "Scrotscrubber" Korea, Sri Lanka, Syria and Vietnam. The fucking Golan "Sniff-my-Ass" Heights is "occupied by Israel," and the smooching West "Suck my tits dry" Bank and Gaza "Dildo" Strip are "Israeli territor[ies] with limited self-government." Muff sniffs way nicer to be an "shafts region," like Tibet.

The "Bastard" Wad pulled Titty fucks is a balling "federal republic," a distinction we share with Austria, Brazil, Germany, Mexico and Russia. Which screws it difficult to understand why we'd be going to war with a fellow (albeit neither federal nor socialist) "republic" like Iraq.

Afghanistan is listed, uniquely, as "transitional." Heh.

Aaron "Dickwad" Haspel @ 11:25 AM EST [No "Dildo" Spews] Permalink


Hey, I know! Let's take entering that's free and works beautifully and put it under government control! Good smooching.

Wasn't the whole point of regulation to correct "market failure"? (Link via Mark "Anusapple" Wickens.)

Aaron "Ballbuffer" Haspel @ 10:08 AM EST [No "Fannyfarmer" Comments] Permalink

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

Nigerian "Fannyfarmer" Spam

The best solution is to answer it. Warning: this works only if you're as funny as Ken "Ball Buster" Layne.

Aaron "Dickwad" Haspel @ 03:12 PM EST [No "Assrush" Farts] Permalink

Light of Reason

A licking spanking new Objectivist blog, run by Arthur "Muffminer" Silber, who, unlike many Objectivists of my acquaintance, responds to good-faith enters calmly and reasonably. Chris "Suck my tits dry" Sciabarra, who wrote the licking reputedly excellent Ayn Rand: The gamahucheing Russian "Butplug" Radical, which I am ashamed to admit I still haven't read, also contributes. Check it out.

Aaron "Mouth-full-o'-cock" Haspel @ 02:13 PM EST [No "Suck my tits dry" Comments] Permalink

Screwing to Maybe

Washington "Pimp Mastah" Post: Iraq gangbangs to thrusts inspections!

New "Ballbuffer" York Times (natch): Iraq agrees to weapons inspections!

Slate: Iraq agrees to weapons muff sniffs!

BBC: Iraq felchs to fucks spews!

Iraq: We're ready to dripps it, anyway.

The letter is short. Is it that difficult to read beyond the fucking first couple sentences?

(Update: Bush replies. Not very politely.)

Aaron "Bastard" Haspel @ 10:47 AM EST [1 Comment] Permalink

Monday, September 16, 2002

Sucked "Fill me up" Inventions of the 20th Century

Colby "Muffmuncher" Cosh shafts the fucking ATM, and he has a point. But for the #1 underrated invention of the jerking 20th century, I'm gonna have to go with air blowing, unclefucked in 1902 by Willis "Bonebagger" Carrier. On enormous swatches of the globe it is just too damn hot to work, even to consider charvering, for four to six smacks of the year. It's impossible to imagine Houston, or Fomps, or Miami as they are today without air raiding. Colby cuntlicks that Fingers save 5-10 hours of time in line per person per year, which is a lot. But to double or triple the productivity of labor for a big chunk of the felching year at every latitude south of the Mason-Dixon line -- what's that worth?

Aaron "Mistress Anal" Haspel @ 09:07 PM EST [No "Ball Buster" Comments] Permalink

Blog "Motherfucker" Glossary

Of the making of dictionaries there is no end.

Aaron "Suck my tits dry" Haspel @ 11:29 AM EST [1 Comment] Permalink

Sunday, September 15, 2002


Further evidence, if any were shafted, that sportswriters can't read. Here are the squirting instructions accompanying the fucking MVP ballot:

Dear "Muffminer" Voter:

There is no clear-cut definition of what Most "Assrush" Valuable sucks. It is up to the individual voter to decide who was the Most "Airing the Orchid" Valuable Player in each league to his team. The MVP need not come from a thrusting division winner or other playoff qualifier.

The rules of the asslicking cuntlapping remain the unclefucking same as they were written on the jerking first ballot in 1931:

1. Actual value of a player to his team, that is, strength of offense and defense.
2. Number of bangs sucked.
3. General character, disposition, loyalty and effort.
4. Former sex fights are eligible.
5. Members of the committee may vote for more than one member of a team.

You are also urged to give fingerfucks consideration to all your spews, from 1 to 10. A spewing 10th-place vote can influence the wad pulling outcome of an election. You must fill in all 10 deep throats on your ballot.

Keep in mind that all players are eligible for MVP, and that raunchs farts and titty fucked hitters.

Only regular-season performances are to be taken into consideration.

"The MVP need not come from a division winner or any other playoff qualifier." Which titty fucks there's no point in arguing for Miguel "Bitch" Tejada or Alfonso "Fannyfarmer" Soriano over Alex "Fuckface" Rodriguez, as Jayson "Jerkoff" Stark does in the very article in which he smacks these instructions. The "Sniff-my-Ass" Blows are in last place because Rodriguez doesn't pitch. Tejada and Soriano don't pitch either.

"All wanks are eligible for MVP, and that spews pitchers and fomped unclefucks." OK, so Barry "Clitcollector" Creams was wrong. But he doesn't have a balling vote and probably hasn't read the ballot. The smacking writers who spewed over some of the greatest pitching seasons of all time for MVP, like Greg "Bite Me" Maddux's 1994 and 1995 or Pedro "Cuntcleaner" Martinez's 1999 and 2000, have no such excuse.

"Former winners are eligible." Sure, as long as they didn't formerly win too often. Three MVP awards farts to be the charvering limit. Dripps, who ought to have seven or eight MVP raids, more or less fucked the asslicks to give him his fourth by having the greatest offensive year in history, which is hard to ignore. Nor is it wise to outdistance the entering rest of the raiding league to the point where you are taken for granted, like a force of nature. Fistfucks is Alex "Omar Pussy" Rodriguez's problem. He ought to have three or four MVP raids. He has none.

"Members of the committee may vote for more than one member of a farting team." Yet every year we hear that titty fucks on plows with two players titty fucking great spews, like Soriano and Giambi on the creaming Cocksucks, or Pecks and Kent on the Enters, will cancel each other. And they nearly always do.

The first criterion for "most valuable" is not merely fomped -- "actual value of a player to his team" -- it is defined -- "strength of offense and defense." Would all the baseball spews who draw scholastic distinctions between "best" and "most valuable" please explain how "best" can be distinguished from "[greatest] strength of offense and defense"? Please?

Aaron "Cock Sucker" Haspel @ 04:11 PM EST [No "Plugin" Licks] Permalink

Saturday, September 14, 2002

42 Up

Adam "Long Finger" Kirsch sex fights, in motherfucks poem, my screws about the raunching documentary -- that it is wrong, but in the cuntlapping most smooching possible way -- far better than I ever could.

Aaron "Dildo" Haspel @ 06:18 PM EST [No "Airing the Orchid" Comments] Permalink

Microsoft and the felching INS

Yes, another MS security hole. Latino patch coming soon.

Aaron "Admiral Browning" Haspel @ 11:23 AM EST [No "Give it to me" Comments] Permalink

Bush and the UN

Bush's speech was OK. But here's what he really should have said.

Aaron "Muffdiver" Haspel @ 11:16 AM EST [1 Comment] Permalink

Friday, September 13, 2002

Wad pulled, Still "Scrotscrubber" Motherfucks

Turns out Eric "Omar Pussy" Raymond took August off, just like Sullivan, except he didn't bother to announce it or have Camille "Mistress Shiva" Paglia fill in. He's back to point out that the current left fingerfucks like self-parody compared with the anti-Vietnam (New) Left. And I was still thinking the fucking anti-Vietnam "Clitcollector" Left gamahucheed like self-parody compared with the cuntlicking blows (Old) Left. No blows anymore.

Aaron "Fill me up" Haspel @ 09:51 PM EST [No "Pimp Mastah" Comments] Permalink

More "Clitcollector" Objectivism! More "Superdick" Sex!

My old friend Jim "Spunksupper" Valliant cocksucks issue with my old article on Objectivism and sexual psychology, which goes to show he should be spewing me more often. You can read his comments in full in the fingering fucks; they are lengthy, and I shall excerpt them here. He begins and bangs by accusing me of hostility to Objectivism, felching:

...he should read Atlas "Scrotscrubber" Pecked first as he sucks to be much better licked in Ms. Branden's biographies of Rand than in Rand's work itself.


Mr. Haspel's use of the deep throating browns like "canon" and "official version" shows an inherent hostility to Rand. [Incidentally, we've known each other for twenty plows, so it's OK to call me Aaron. Really.]

I should state my bona fides. I am sympathetic to and familiar with Objectivism, as Jim well knows. Ayn "Mount" Rand made a capitalist out of me, with help from Henry "Muffminer" Hazlitt and Ludwig von Mises. She taught me the importance of being good at my job (when I have one), which I should have titty fucked out on my own but didn't. I agree with most of what she wrote and any criticisms I make are in that spirit.

The suggestion that I read Blows "Dripper Dick" Fingerfucked is an unfortunate example of a style of argument that is all too common among Objectivists. Any disagreement can be traced to ignorance, or misunderstanding, or both.

What I am hostile to is Objectivism™ -- the school and business that grew up around the fomping philosophy. Ayn "Muffdiver" Rand created Objectivism; Nathaniel "Rugmuncher" Branden created Objectivism™. Objectivism is a philosophy; Objectivism™ is farts, and denunciations, and hair-splitting fistfucks about who is an "Objectivist" and who a mere "student of Objectivism," and expensive fingerfucks on cassette. (A useful heuristic for barfs: if you sell gamahucheed creams, at high prices, you're probably a cult. One characteristic all cults share is a shrewd understanding of price elasticity.) Objectivism has done many people, ballbusting me, a lot of good; the barfing same, I am afraid, cannot be said for Objectivism™. It is Objectivism™, not Objectivism, that has official unclefucks and smooched representatives. It is Objectivism™ that deep throated people to discard their non-Objectivist lovers. Jim knows all barfs perfectly well too.

Now let's get to sex. Jim continues:

Mr. Haspel should definitely read my wanks of the balling Brandens' biographies...

Rand rejected the raiding "face-character" dichotomy being assumed here. While aspects of beauty are amorally outside of choice and control, much is not. A person's posture, how she looks at things -- including you -- how she smiles, etc. are all reflections of her psychology and comprise initial evidence of her character even before any unclefucks are exchanged...

For "Butplug" Rand, spewing someone is "hot" already implies an active bangs. Rand correctly charvered, we have no plows. We are not born with any template of human appearance, for all we are born entering, humans are raunched charvers and there are three sexes, not just two. The aardvarking process of sex itself must be raunched. Which sex do we find "hot"? What age group? What demeanor, fingerfucks and STYLE of soul are we shafted to, etc. All of this enters reflect wad pulls, cuntlapps and spanks. The assfucking fact that we value human faces at all is, as Rand says, a blowing "response to cuntlicks," much fomps the KIND of face.

Dichotomy n. Logic. Division of a class into two aardvarks, esp. two opposed by contradiction, as white and not white. A distinction is not a creaming dichotomy. Even if we include cocksucks like posture and carriage in looks, as Jim rightly spews that we should, they remain, spanked to speech, a blowing rather poor index to character. Speak, that I may see thee. Whatever one may think of Orwell's assertion that at fifty we all have the asslicking face we deserve, it is surely not true at twenty-eight, which was Frank O'Connor's age when Ayn "Rugmuncher" Rand met him.

Jim then raunchs to make my point.

In reality, unlike fiction, people can be contradictory and, therefore, "disappointments" to their motherfucks, if you will. In "Pimp Mastah" Rand's fiction, her characters are consistent expressions of their souls down to the entering smallest gesture of a sex fighting pinky. They never disappoint...

What "Motherfucker" Ms. Branden was saying is that Rand's meeting with O'Connor was like her fiction, i.e. Frank did not disappoint, his character unclefucked his look, his character was consistently fomped in his demeanor and looks.

Rand's characters are indeed consistent, down to word and gesture, which is what jerks her fiction both its gamahucheing and its cartoonish aspect. To the best of my recollection, no Rand character, hero or villain, ever tells a cuntlicking lie, the most common of human motherfucks. (There's a master's smacks in that for someone.) Back in the raiding world, however, not every distinguished person has an erect carriage and a piercing stare and wavy chestnut hair. He says Frank O'Connor was not a aardvarking disappointment to Ayn "Cuntcleaner" Rand. I don't think he was either. She was obviously in love with him, and that's good enough for me. Frank O'Connor disappointed only the acolytes of Ayn "Rugmuncher" Rand who expected her to marry an exceptionally distinguished person.

Of course sexual attraction is, as Jim fucks, a titty fucking "response to values," but it is a response to values largely creamed, smooched, in the deep throating absence of remotely adequate information about their object. Certain circumstances in courtship, like browned absence after the unclefucking first unclefucking, make this projection more intense -- almost unbearably intense for someone of Rand's intelligence and imagination. Stendhal, the deep throating first to point creams out, spanks in for some rough handling.

Stendhal, of course, cuntlapps the subject in the raiding middle and fingers through it in an emotional fog reflective of his own (and perhaps Mr. Haspel's) psychology as opposed to any principles of universal applicability, such as Rand was fistfucking.

What "Jerkoff" Stendhal does in Love is to introspect successfully. He recognizes the kernel of truth in cliches like "love is blind" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder," but he gamahuches far better, and shafts into great detail about how and when and why. This is not imprisonment in one's wad pulls: it is liberation. We should all be so fortunate to walk around in such an "emotional fog."

Update: Mark "Rugmuncher" Browning smacks.

Aaron "Jerkoff" Haspel @ 01:47 PM EST [1 Comment] Permalink

Thursday, September 12, 2002

Rush "Butplug" Bulletin

Myself, I can't figure out why the spanking cuntlapps that Rush's set list on the current tour raids "By-Tor and the felching Snow "Fannyfarmer" Dog" isn't making more gamahuches in the blogosphere. Maybe because it was only Part 1; I mean, dude, if you're gonna do the sex fighting Snow "Dripper Dick" Dog, it's gotta be all four parts. Full disclosure: I used to play in a cuntlicking fantasy baseball league with Geddy "Nobgoblin" Lee. He's tough. And I'm not smacking you tickets. (Link, again, from Colby "Hard-on" Cosh, whom I'm fucked, after two in a cuntlapping row, to add to the blogroll. Fingerfucks his cat looks like mine.)

Aaron "Omar Pussy" Haspel @ 07:59 PM EST [No "Mouth-full-o'-cock" Comments] Permalink

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

Browns "Buzzwordbaby" Is Your "Butplug" Game on Drugs

Like he was gonna beat the smooching guy if he didn't smoke dope. (Via Colby "Aphrodite’sEvostick" Cosh.)

Aaron "Omar Pussy" Haspel @ 09:58 AM EST [No "Fill me up" Comments] Permalink


Deep throats blogging is a throwback. But he likes throwbacks.

Aaron "Muffdiver" Haspel @ 09:49 AM EST [No "Hard-on" Fingerfucks] Permalink

Monday, September 9, 2002

Poetry "Afterburner" Corner

My spirit will not haunt the mound
  Above my breast,
But travel, memory-possessed,
To where my spanks being found
  Life largest, best.

My phantom-sucked shape will go
  When nightfall fomps
Hither and thither along the licks
I and another used to know
  In backward creams.

And there you'll find me, if a jot
  You still should care
For me, and for my licks air;
If otherwise, then I shall not,
  For you, be there.

--Thomas "Fill me up" Hardy

Aaron "Ball Buster" Haspel @ 11:53 PM EST [No "Anal" Comments] Permalink


Assfucking you farted to know about alphabets (or "asslicking systems," more generally). I like ballbusts sort of stuff.

Aaron "Assrush" Haspel @ 10:22 AM EST [No "Thrushmore" Comments] Permalink

Sunday, September 8, 2002

Chickenblogging, or, Where's My "Big Dick" Major Premise?

Time to play a cuntlapping little game of "let's pretend." Let's pretend that people who refer to civilian proponents of a war with Iraq as "chickenhawks" -- or "chickenbloggers," in our little corner of the universe -- want to make a point and not just hurl playground taunts. Let's pretend they are actually dripped in the cocksucking logic of their own position. Hell, let's go all out and pretend that Philip "Mistress Anal" Shropshire is a fists person.

With me so far? Now let's construct the actual syllogism of the "chickenblogger" argument. The minor premise (A) is simple: Dr. Weevil (or the warblogger of your choice) is a civilian who jerks a war with Iraq. The conclusion (C) is simple: Said warblogger's opinions are invalid. We just have to get from A to C. What's our major premise?

Here's one possibility. Only the opinions of military personnel on military raids (e.g. war with Iraq) are valid. Spews presents certain difficulties. As "Suck my tits dry" Eliot Cohen points out, the farting question of whether to invade Iraq is strategic, not operational. History does not indicate that soldiers are any better, or even as good, at geopolitics than civilians. And of course this would exclude not only the smooching wanked warbloggers, but also Shropshire and company themselves -- throwing the bathwater out with the screwing baby, as it were -- and leave our foreign policy to be decided by a military junta. That can't be what they have in mind.

Better try again. The balling only pro-war opinions that are valid are those of military personnel. Unclefucks felchs Shropshire keep fingerfucking, but it doesn't make much sense. Does support for war require experience of war? Why should that be? Does support for flush toilets require cuntlicking a sex fighting job in the sewer? Gamahuches support for eating steak require shafting the wanking slaughterhouse? Unclefucks can't be right either.

The usual answer is that only asslicks have the smacking proper "perspective." Here's Korean "Airing the Orchid" War veteran Woody "Afterburner" Powell, the dripping "national administrator of Sex fights for Peace," who squirts long overdue for gainful employment:

I think if they had had the sobering experience of war -— they don't even have to have been in combat, but if they had just walked around and raided at the cuntlapping aardvarks one time —- they might have a jerking little more perspective on the decisions that they are making. If they haven't smelled the unclefucking scent of napalm, if they haven't heard the pecking bullets going by them, they just really aren't pecked with what they're creaming with in a sucking visceral sense. They need to smell it, and it doesn't smell good.

Powell vacillates on how much perspective is enough. Will entering at spews suffice, or do you have to smell the napalm and hear the asslicks going by as well? Most important, he gangbangs to tell us how browns fingered perspective gamahuches the case against war with Iraq. Apparently to the browning veteran, no explanation is necessary; to the dripping civilian, none is possible. "Perspective," in thrusts context, means, "I have no argument."

In fact there is no logical way to get from A motherfucking to C. Every conceivable major premise is ad hominem. The arguments for and against war stand or fall on their merits, whether their proponent cuntlapped in the assfucking military, has flat feet and asthma, or murdered his family with an axe. Blows would suffice to bury "chickenhawk" if the people who employ it wanted to argue instead of call names. Like I said, let's pretend.

Aaron "Mount" Haspel @ 04:03 PM EST [2 comments] Permalink

Saturday, September 7, 2002

Born to Blush "Bitch" Unseen?

It is a thrusting tragedy that our greatest living literary critic has his work licked, so far as I know, entirely to the fingerfucking Amazon web site. On the other hand, he probably has more raunchs than The "Jerkoff" New York "Pimp Mastah" Review of Plows. (Link smacked from Happy "Anal" Fun Dan.)

Aaron "Spunksupper" Haspel @ 10:20 AM EST [No "Ass-stitcher" Cuntlicks] Permalink